The Inside Out
I had a dream in 2013. In it I was given a microphone to preach in front of a large crowd of people. I froze—literally could not form a word! I was straining to hear God say something, anything, but all I heard was crickets! Eventually, someone came on the stage to take the mic from me. And, defeated, I walked off the stage, full of shame, and went to a secluded place where I began to beat myself up over the failure. As I was doing this, Jesus appeared before me, looked me in the eyes and asked “Do you know why you failed?” I replied, “No.” He then responded with words that changed my life.
“You failed because you were straining to try to find something you don’t realize you already have: My Kingdom is inside of you!”
At these words my heart began to burn. I then woke from my dream and have been pondering it ever since. In the immediate aftermath, I applied this to ministry and preaching. I recognized the insecurity I had over my legitimacy as a preacher, and by God’s grace, experienced some big breakthroughs over my fear of public speaking. Now, seven years later, I’m beginning to recognize the deeper implications.
As Christians, the phrase “inside-out Kingdom” is not unfamiliar. However, familiarity does not equate to understanding or embodiment. In our consumeristic culture, we are bombarded with a constant onslaught of advertisements and news updates that entice our senses morning till night. Even further, living in the age of technology means that for many (if not most), our cell phones have unboundaried access to our lives. When this is the case, we become accustomed to a life buzzing with external stimulation, and very unfamiliar with silence. This unfamiliarity then breeds contempt, as we most often fear what we do not understand. Why does this matter?
Because the Kingdom is inside you, and the only way to explore what is inside you is in environments void of external stimuli. Jesus modeled this for us. His rhythm of life was characterized by active engagement in the busyness and drama of those He ministered to, as well as consistent retreats to desolate places to pray with the Father. He needed both spaces. So do we.
Why desolate places? The answer is simple and very profound. Environments void of external stimulation (aka silence!) invite what is inside to come out. Jesus always emerged from his retreats with instruction, direction, and grace to minister, because He was experiencing fellowship with God in the desolate place. When we learn to love silence, our experience will be the same.
I have found that prayer, Scripture reading, contemplation, and reflection are extraordinarily difficult when I’m surrounded by the stimulation of people and technology. I have also found that each of these things produce the most delightful and fruitful peace in my soul when I’m fully present to them. I’m coming to recognize that these inner practices are what God intends to use to train my soul to live in this peace and continually abide in His Presence. At the same time, my failure to place boundaries around my use of technology has trained my soul in a countermeasure. My first instinct each morning, and subsequently many times throughout the busyness of my day, is not to gently gaze within and worship Jesus. Instead, it is to grab my cellphone and consume some form of external stimulation. For this reason, I continue to fail dozens of times each day to live from the Kingdom that can so easily be accessed inside me. But God is at work training my soul to keep my eyes—and affection—sweetly fixed on Jesus. To do this, I know I need His help. I also know that my job is to form better boundaries around my use of technology, learning to embrace and love the silence of desolate places.
For those who are more practical and may be wondering, I have two desolate spaces I frequent: The first is the early morning with coffee, Scripture, and a journal. I have found the hours between 5 and 7am to be particularly fruitful and life-giving. I do not take technology with me to this place. Being honest, I don’t make it by 5am every morning (sometimes not even by 6!), and the reason for that is failure to go to bed on time. I’ve found the best way to protect my morning retreats with Jesus is faithfulness to go to bed when I should. I know, practical and boring, but love for Jesus is sometimes expressed best through the practical and boring.
My second desolate place is the foothills of Boise. Going to a physically desolate place is a fail-proof method when I’m feeling really stressed, overwhelmed, and needing peace. Without exception, the external emptiness draws my soul into refreshment, and I find my mind is liberated to see and hear with new perspective. I’d encourage you to experiment with different physical environments in prayer to see how your soul responds.
Thank you for taking time to read and engage with this. I pray God gives us grace to help us access the riches of the Kingdom and successfully live from the inside-out!
Abounding in hope,
Jordan