Desire or Discipline?
As I have pursued God over the years I have had to navigate the waters between desire and discipline. At times, my prayer life and spirituality have been fueled by a nearly unquenchable thirst for His Presence. During others, I feel emotional apathy and become discouraged as I question what happened! Many times I’ve made the mistake of creating rigid routines around spiritual practices, that once fueled by passion—routines that changed and became instruments of performance driven by will power. When my will eventually tired and the routine sputtered out, I’d feel as though I’d failed God! Conversely, in the name of “freedom and spontaneity” I’ve at times lacked intentionality and discipline, becoming dull of hearing the whispers and nudges of His Spirit. Neither is fruitful.
The underlying truth in all of this is that the inner life is not static. Relating with God in the “world within” is dynamic because exposure to His Presence, by design, requires we are constantly changing!
A few years ago I had a break in the middle of the afternoon between meetings and I decided to go for a run along the river that flows through my city. It was August and the temperature more than 100 degrees outside. It was a spontaneous decision and I completely forgot to bring water! I was running a 6-mile route that was three miles out and three miles in. At the three mile turn-a-round I started to feel heat exhaustion setting in and was trying not to panic as I had a meeting to be at in half an hour! I knew I was in trouble, so I began running faster. The whole time I was running next to the river, looking at it repeatedly and wishing I had the time to get into the water and cool off. I continued running until I literally had to stop. My vision was going blurry and I was afraid I was going to faint. I still had more than two miles to run but my body was done. At this point, I only had one option- I had to get in the river. I began to gradually work my way down the bank, and then slowly submerged my body into the ice-cold water. As I did this the most refreshing sensation washed over me. I felt energy surge through my veins! I got out of the river, climbed back up the bank, and felt like I soared the last two miles back to my car! As I was finishing the run I felt the Spirit of God whisper to me, “Jordan, just like the river that was beside you, I am ‘God with you’. But I don’t just want to be ‘God with you’, I want to be ‘God in you’. You need to learn to slow down and get into the River.”
At this I was convicted (and still am honestly) at how often I’m content allowing God’s Presence to be a theological truth, instead of an incarnationally lived experience. This leads to the question of this article, is it desire or discipline that is to fuel our relationship with God? The answer is neither. It is not my felt desire, nor my will power and discipline that is to fuel my pursuit of Jesus, it’s His voice. Therefore, my willingness to listen is the single greatest factor to the vitality of my spirituality.
If I fail to listen and receive from God, and rely on my emotional experience only, my spiritual walk will only be as consistent as the circumstances of life. Similarly, if I fail to listen and receive, instead relying on will power alone, I will create a religious regimen fueled by self-righteous performance. My actions will have the form of holiness, but I will be far from God, because I’m performing religious duties outside of relationship with Jesus.
Amazingly, I’ve found when I do listen and receive grace from God, I find both desire and discipline alive and at work in me! His voice awakens desire in my soul, and like David, I begin to thirst for His Presence (Psalm 63). At the same time, as emotions fade in and out during the course of life, the conviction that I find from His voice inspires my will to rise up and choose continued obedience to what Jesus has spoken. Discipline protects what desire awakens. Desire draws me into His Presence, discipline keeps me there. Both are found in His voice.
We will never learn to hear His voice until, like me that day by the river, we learn to slow down and come into the River of His Presence. It is my conviction that our societal addiction to business and achievement is more devastating than we realize. Like gasoline for an automobile, so is God’s voice for the Christian. We cannot function properly without intimate connection to the precious whisper of God.
I want to encourage you to read the passage from Isaiah 55 below, and spend 10 minutes waiting on the voice of God today. Ask Him what hindrances to listening to His voice exist in your life and listen. I pray you will have ears to hear what He is saying, and that His voice will come to you, awakening both the desire and discipline to seek Him first today!
Ho! (Stop!) Everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food.
Incline your ear, and come to me;
hear, that your soul may live;
and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,
my steadfast, sure love for David.
Abounding in hope,
Jordan
For more, listen to this week’s podcast: Discipled by Jesus—Habitational Christianity